They say death and taxes are the two things you can be certain of in life.
There are probably a few other certainties, but these are definitely things most Americans worry about.
And, right now, you’re preparing for tax season.
Sadly, we can’t sit down to prepare your taxes with you, nor can we offer you any financial advice. But we’ve got a tip to help you through the annual tax trial.
Who wouldn’t be?
We know your time is valuable, so we’ll get right to the point.
The best thing to do before sitting down to do your taxes is to take a swig of Mad Dog super hot sauce. The exact sauce is totally up to you. We think a serious Scorpion sting is especially fitting but go with your favorite.
Also, we’re being a little generous with the word swig. Most people can’t tip a bottle of super hot sauce into their mouth and gulp it back. The tip of a teaspoon is much more reasonable.
In any case, get into it. As it starts to swirl around and you begin to cry and panic a little, just remember that it’s not actually setting you on fire. You can beat this pain. It’ll feel, in fact, like you’re able to cheat death – one of the two inevitabilities in this life.
Big warning: don’t cheat at your taxes.
As the fire settles, it’s easy to see how you can get through anything, including a year’s worth of your family’s finances. At the very least, you’ll feel better about the ordeal when your brain releases that rush of endorphins needed to cope with the torture.
Note: those feel-good hormones were released to help you deal with the fire your brain believes you’ve been fighting, not the taxes you don’t feel like doing… but, take what you can get and roll with it.
Now that you know, and you’ve got another excuse to treat yourself to a new bottle of Mad Dog super hot sauce, what are you waiting for?
Need help getting through your taxes?
Again, we can’t actually help you do your taxes. But we can experience a devilish level of excitement. You’ll see.